Dr Who meets Red Dwarf
by Beanacre0
Summary: When the Doctor and Rose land on Red Dwarf Cat, Rimmer, Lister and Kryten are a bit shocked. Shortly after they find a planet with a breathable atmosphere. However on this planet Rose, Lister and the Cat are kidnapped
1. What?

**Chapter One **

**What?**

Rimmer glared at Lister as he sat with his ugly boots on the coffee table. "Excuse me, Lister, but your vulgar boots appear to be on MY magazines." Rimmer pointed out. Lister shrugged. "So?" He said, eyes still on the TV screen. "Oh I get it! It's because I'm dead isn't it. Because I'm dead I don't need magazines. It doesn't matter, is that it?" Rimmer demanded. Lister rolled his eyes. "No, Rimmer. It's because you're a total smeg head!" He told the hard light hologram. Rimmer hit Lister's boots off the table and picked up his army magazines. "I don't see why you read those things. They are full of absolute smeg!" Lister sighed. Rimmer stuck two fingers up at him and turned away. Suddenly a man's head appeared on the TV screen. "Hey, I was watching that!" Lister protested. "Sorry Dave, but you and Rimmer are needed." Holly told them apologetically. Rimmer did his stupid salute and then he and Lister headed off towards the controls.

The Doctor flew around the controls at lightening speed. Rose sat in a chair watching him. His dark eyes flicking from console to console, his brown hair flopping into them. She smiled and walked over to join him. "Where are we going?" She asked. The Doctor shook his head. "I dunno. The TARDIS is playing up." He told her. Rose frowned. "Come on old girl." The Doctor muttered. Rose moved as he pushed passed her to get to another console. "Is there anything I can do to help?" She asked. The Doctor sighed. "Unless you are a Time lord and have excellent knowledge on alien machinery, no." He told her flicking another switch. Rose crossed her arms across her chest and sat back down in her seat. She sat watching him for a moment and then closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Lister and Rimmer arrived at the control room to find Kryten and Cat flicking switches and tapping at the controls. "Yo, what's happening?" Lister asked. "Holly told us there were some black holes up ahead, but we've searched the radars and everything, but no sign." Kryten informed them. "You can't be looking hard enough!" Rimmer snapped. "Hey Goalpost head, my nose hairs are never wrong and they aren't picking anything up!" Cat shouted at Rimmer. "Holly is there a slight chance you got something wrong?" Lister asked the computer. Holly's head appeared again. "Yeah a slight chance, but I'm sure." He told the small crew. "Wait. I'm picking something up, in the Cargo bay!" Cat informed them. "Let's go then!" Lister shouted heading towards the Cargo Bay. Rimmer and the rest following him towards where Cat had told them to look.

The Doctor pulled a lever and the TARDIS jerked alarmingly. Rose fell off her chair. "Didn't like that did you?" The Doctor whispered. Rose grunted and stood up. "What happened?" She asked. "I think, according to the read outs, we've landed." The doctor announced. "Where?" Rose asked again rubbing her aching back. "I don't know, the TARDIS just landed herself." The Doctor told his blonde companion. He grinned. "Time to find out where."

Lister led the small gang down the stairs and along the murky corridor. A loud rasping sound reached their ears. "What the smeg?" Lister yelled above the noise. "Sounds like a metallic rasp. From some kind of ship no doubt." Kryten told them. Rimmer's face lit up. "Aliens!" He exclaimed. Lister rolled his eyes. "Lets find out." He murmured. As they neared the source, the small group raised their guns. A small blue box came into view. "What the?" Rimmer began. The door opened and a tall man with a pinstriped suit stepped out. "…where." He was saying. He froze when he saw them. "WHAT?" He gasped.


	2. Introductions

**Chapter Two**

**Introductions**

The Doctor stared at the sight before him. A small group stood before him, all with guns in their hands looking just as shocked as he was. Stunned he raised his hands slowly above his head. His eyes flicked from person to person.

Lister stared at the man before him. Another human. "Doctor." Another voice from inside the blue box called. A girl poked her head out of the box. Lister's jaw dropped and he almost dropped his gun. "Humans?" He gasped. "Just scanning now sir." Kryten told him. A small bleeping sound was emitted from the scanner. Almost as quickly as it had started, the bleeping stopped. "One of them is a Human. The female is human, but the Male's species is not recognized. He is not human." Kryten told them. "Alien!" Exclaimed Rimmer. Kryten nodded. "It appears so." Lister lowered his gun, still wary of the unexpected guests.

The Doctor watched as the human lowered his gun. Rose looked at him and then to the odd group in front of her. "So where are we?" She asked. "I don't know, but I think we're safe." The Doctor told her. "Hello. I'm the Doctor and this is Rose. Nice to meet you." He called to them.

Lister took this as they meant no harm and signaled to the others to lower their guns. "I'm Lister, and this is Cat, Kryten and Rimmer." He replied. The Cat wailed. "Aww, man, after all this time a Woman and I haven't even had time to floss or nothing." He moaned. For the first time Lister seemed to notice Rose. He suddenly became aware of the numerous curry stains down the front of his shirt and how grubby his boots were.

Rose looked at the men before her, trying not to laugh at Cat's comment. They certainly weren't posh or anything, but at least they were sort of human. "So where are we?" The Doctor asked. The one called Lister looked at him. "You're on Red Dwarf, a mining ship. We're 3 million years away from earth. I'm the last survivor from an accident 3 million years ago." Lister explained. Rose snorted. "How'd you last that long?" She asked. "I was in stasis during the accident." He told her. The Doctor frowned. "And him?" He asked indicating Cat. "His people evolved from my pregnant pet cat. I hid her on board and she was safe." Lister answered. Rose frowned. "Like the Cat nuns on new earth." The Doctor whispered. Rose nodded.

Lister watched as the Doctor leaned in to his companion. He whispered something and Rose's frown left her pretty features. "So, what about you two?" Rimmer asked, curious to know what the origin this 'Doctor' was. The Doctor smiled. "I'm a Time lord, last of my kind and I picked up Rose on earth in 2005. She's been traveling with me for ages." He told them. "What?" Lister frowned. "My ship it travels through space and time. It's also alive." He told the group. Rimmer laughed. "Who ever heard of a ship that's alive?" He snorted. Kryten scanned the box. "Sir it is alive. That's amazing." He gasped. The Doctor gave them a huge grin and yawned. "Say, you don't happen to have a spare room for me and Rose to sleep in. My ships playing up and I need to fix her at some point, but for now, we need some rest." The Doctor asked. Lister nodded. "Sure follow me." He told them, leading them up the stairs towards the sleeping quarters. "If you need anything just shout and one of us, or the scutters, or the ship's computer Holly, will help you." Lister smiled as he left them at their sleeping quarters for the night.


	3. Author's Note

Hi,

Just to let you know that this story WILL continue but I am writing one at a time. First is Scar's Daughter, then Collision, Family Secrets, Dr Who meets Red Dwarf, What If but Lion King 4 will be written again as it is very naff. It will be better.

Beanacre0


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